Ramblings about health, dogs, and other randomness

Month: December 2017

Thoughts on 2017

Thoughts on 2017

Dear 2017, You have been a year of joy, challenge, pain, fulfilled dreams, and unrealized dreams. The challenges and disappointments you have sent my way make me want to throw you in the garbage and forget you ever happened, but deep down I know that […]

What’s in a name?

What’s in a name?

One of the most beneficial processes I have done in pursuit of recovery has been to assign my E.D. a name. The idea was presented to me in a therapy session during my 3rd year of pharmacy school, and I believe the practice was taken from […]

Favorite Tea

All of my friends and family know that I LOVE to drink hot tea…so much so, that I have a sweatshirt that says: “A cup of tea and a good book”.

Here are some of my favorites:

  • Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride by Celestial Seasonings
  • Sweet Almond from T, An Urban Teahouse
  • Asian Green Tea at Sushi Neko

Favorite TV Shows

This is Us (NBC) Parenthood (originally aired on NBC, on Netflix now) Fixer Upper (HGTV) House Hunters (HGTV) Girlboss (Netflix) Love (Netflix)

Favorite Books

Favorite Books

Fiction The Violets of March by Sarah Jio Blackberry Winter by Sarah Jio Memoirs The Center Cannot Hold by Elyn Saks Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling Self-Help/Recovery For the Love by Jen Hatmaker Life Beyond Your Eating Disorder by Johanna S. […]

Turn North

Turn North

You’ve circled this mountain long enough, go north
“—Deuteronomy 2:3

One of my dearest friends first introduced this verse to me in Fall 2015. At the time, I was beginning outpatient treatment for my eating disorder and completing my third year of pharmacy school. Entering treatment meant I had to face both the physical ramifications (e.g., bone loss, heart changes, hormonal imbalances) and emotional aspects (strained relationships, moments of hopelessness, lack of confidence) of my illness head on. Neither aspect was particularly appealing, and I found myself wanting to remain on auto-pilot (see also: denial).

After confiding these reservations to this particular friend, she responded with this verse. I had been “circling the mountain” (recovery) for “long enough” (~5 years) and it was time to “turn north” (see also: put on your big girl panties to do the hard work and accept the hard truths).

My journey has had several ups and downs since that conversation, but this verse still resonates with me, and I intend to use it as I pursue permanent recovery today.

Over the years, I have accumulated many dreams that my eating disorder told me I could not pursue:

  • Start a blog
  • Be a yoga or barre3 instructor
  • Be a dog mama

And over the years, the eating disorder has won. Fortunately, I had a sentinel event in the past week that has reinvigorated my pursuit of health and happiness. I am turning north, and I have hope that the journey up the mountain will be filled with:

  • Family
  • Friends
  • Doggies
  • Community
  • Service
  • Yoga
  • The great outdoors
  • Biking
  • Barre3
  • Trying new recipes
  • Sushi
  • Prayer
  • Church
  • Naps
  • Sleeping in
  • Traveling

Now, I’m also aware that the journey will be filled with some less-pleasant emotions and events, too (I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t already had some in the past week), but my hope is that the optimism always overcomes the despair and that by sharing my journey, I can inspire others and stay tenacious in my own pursuit of health.