High: Watching Hope blossom. Little girl no longer freaks out about going for walks on the pathfinder, she can go upstairs now (although I still think she is afraid of heights), and she did great at the NEDA walk with all the people and other doggies! […]
Month: February 2018
When I was on family vacation in Arizona, I first became aware of the transformations that had occurred in my life and I wrote this post. When I returned to Oklahoma, my church started a new series on “Labels”. Isn’t life funny like that sometimes? […]
A yummy protein-packed smoothie while reading my new devotional.
No surprise here. Still obsessed with Ezekiel cinnamon raisin toast and whole milk brown cow yogurt.
Another favorite-oats and more yogurt.
Whipped together a salad with some grilled chicken, goat cheese, and a homemade salad dressing. Added some pretzels on the side for some carbs.
Leftover 30-minute Asian chicken soup with a loaf of whole wheat pita bread.
My mom got a pre-made lemon pepper rotisserie chicken at Wal Mart one night this week and it was so good! I had two sweet potatoes and a kale salad (from a kit) with it.
I made Fit Foodie Finds meal prep ginger honey stir fry again this week. I substituted shrimp for the chicken for some variety and added cilantro to the finished product.
Out to eat at a sushi place in Owasso with two pharmacy classmates. So fun to catch up with them!
Annie’s spinach pizza with some added grape tomatoes and a Caesar salad on the side.
Nothing new to report here—still loving whole milk yogurt, cereal, banana chips, M and M’s, and chocolate chip cookies.
What did you eat this week? Did you try any new recipes?
Breakfast I mixed up my breakfast! This is cinnamon oatmeal squares with almonds for some extra fat, blueberries, blackberries, milk, and an egg on the side for protein. And then I didn’t and stuck with my favorite Ezekiel toast and oatmeal combinations. Lunch Rolling Pin, […]
I have chosen to be raw and public about sharing my story in the hopes that my story may inspire and educate others. On a selfish note, I must admit that sharing my story has provided catharsis and facilitated aspects of my recovery. One might expect that owning up to previous shortcomings and asking for accountability in a public space would alleviate any remaining shame or guilt.
Friends, I have to tell you that I am struggling to forgive myself.
If you are anything like me, you will easily forgive friends and family at the drop of the hat, but you are much harder on yourself.
I find myself reliving so many silly arguments surrounding food with the people that I was closest to. I see the damage my restriction and isolation waged on my relationships. My heart breaks for the people that I took for granted. For the experiences my loved ones missed out on. For the talents I failed to use. Living in the “should have’s” is counterproductive, but I still frequently find myself there.
And in these moments, I feel ashamed. I feel unforgivable. I feel like my chances are spent. And this shame and guilt hit somewhat of a breaking point this last week. Fortunately, I was open about the anger I felt/feel towards myself with my support team. I received a consistent response-“you have to forgive yourself. You will never truly move on from this experience until you do. And once you do, your future will be bright”.
Perhaps you’re experiencing shame or guilt surrounding one of your shortcomings. Perhaps you feel like you deserve to pay the price indefinitely. Perhaps you find it impossible to forgive yourself. This post is for you.
Whether you believe in God or not, I feel that the Bible is an excellent point of reference. There is good and bad inside each of us, and the Bible consistently addresses the struggle between the two while also providing hope. To forgive yourself, you have to decide your good will defeat your bad. And once you’re there, is there really any question that the future is bright and full of hope?
Some of the passages I’ve been meditating on include:
- 2 Corinthians 5:17- “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
Failing to forgive myself labels me as a “failure”, an “anorexic”, “unforgivable” or “unlovable”. But that’s simply not the case. Through my faith, prayers, and perseverance, I’ve ditched my previous maladaptive behaviors. I’ve repaired some broken relationships. I’ve gained XX pounds. I truly am “new”. And I must forgive myself in order to see myself as this new creation and to end the vicious cycle of my past.
Whether you believe in God or not, let these words remind you that you always have the opportunity to recreate yourself.
- The parable of the prodigal son: Luke 15:11-32
Although a son leaves his father and quickly squanders his inheritance, his father openly welcomes him home with a lavish feast and his finest clothes. The son did not have to earn this forgiveness from his father, it was given to him unconditionally. So is the case for us when we make mistakes.
- God’s forgiveness of Adam and Eve
Although Adam and Eve disobeyed God, He provided them clothes as a sign of His forgiveness.
- Paul’s history before his conversion
Paul killed Christians. And not only was he forgiven, his history was used in his subsequent message.
- Peter’s denial of Jesus
Peter denied his identity as a follower of Christ, yet he still became the leader of the church.
- Proverbs 28:13- “He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion”
For a long time, I hid my behaviors. I restricted, isolated, and over-exercised. I was ashamed, and this shame perpetuated the behavior. Now that I have admitted my shortcomings, my loved ones have showered me with compassion and forgiveness.
- Acts 10:43-“Through His name everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins”
- Ephesians 1:7- “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace”
Additionally, I’ve been reading If You Only Knew by Jamie Ivey.
Jamie eloquently expresses the very sentiments I attempt to convey with this post. Her heartbreaking but inspiring story came to me as I battled my own misbelief in the potential for forgiveness and restoration.
The summative conclusion I’ve made in my reading, meditating, and conversing about my previous faults is that they will not define the woman I am today. As a Christian, I do believe that my sin was already paid by Jesus on the cross and that God has forgiven my sins and in fact uses them to draw me closer to Him. After some raw conversations with my loved ones, I know that they forgive me, too. Regardless of your beliefs, I hope you take this consistent forgiveness as testimony that you deserve forgiveness no matter what. Choose to leave the past behind you, use it to fall forward, and give yourself some grace. No one is perfect.
Public Service Announcement: Choose whole milk yogurt! This whole milk blueberry yogurt was so satiating. I pledge to never buy light n’ fit greek yogurt again. I also had cinnamon raisin Ezekiel bread (also a must try in my opinion!) + buttahhhh + fried egg + green juice + berries.
Oats + almonds; Naked boosted green machine juice, a fried egg, whole milk yogurt, blackberries, and strawberries. I talked on my Instagram about how I used to avoid pretty much everything about this breakfast: the add-ins to the oats, the juice, whole milk yogurt over nonfat, and the yolk of the egg…so glad I’ve turned the corner.
Waffles with butter and real maple syrup, more juice, more fried eggs, more berries, more yogurt.
What are some of your favorite breakfasts? I might need some more variety 😉
Turkey sandwich with avocado for fat/satiety, pretzels, carrots. I also had some lemon pudding 🙂
I had a turkey sandwich on a bagel to switch things up a tad one day.
Unpictured lunches include quesadillas and a few meals out and about/on the go.
This chicken and wild rice soup, reheated from the freezer. I also had caesar salad, whole wheat pita bread, and a hard sparkling seltzer.
I made shrimp fajitas for my dad and me while my mom was in Kansas City.
Honey Ginger Chicken from Fit Foodie Finds with quinoa. Strongly encourage you to make this dish. So good!
A burger with sweet potato fries and a kale salad. I went back for more fries 🙂
Leftovers-I had more honey ginger chicken and a baked sweet potato with salad that was from a Thai salad kit. The salad wasn’t my favorite—too spicy.
Fun Stuff (aka snacks)
My dad and I went out for lunch at Subway and he wanted Braum’s after. Because nothing says ice cream like 25 degrees and snowing outside, right? A twist in a waffle cone for him, and a mix with chocolate fro yo and oreos (my go-to order!!!) for me.
This is my go-to snack when weight restoration isn’t going as successfully as I would like. Homemade chocolate milkshake with some add-ins. My favorite add-ins are M and M’s and Oreos.