Jump, and the net will appear
I’ve missed regular posting in May and June, and now in to July, and for good reason. I’ve had my nose to the grindstone in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit and general medicine wards at the medical center, and currently I’m on my infectious disease rotation.
The antibiogram at OUMC=major nerd alert
Coming back to residency and rounding the corner to my completion date certainly hasn’t looked like what I thought it was going to look like. In some ways, this difference is beautiful. For instance, the PICU and internal medicine previously would have triggered destructive habits and brought out my anxiety-ridden, unfun to be around self.
I won’t sugarcoat it, ugly moments have happened. But I can say, I’m healthy, independent, strong, and happy. For me, internal medicine has always been a rotation that sets me off. And this June, I actually liked it. This is one of my prouder moments of recovery.
Another happy moment is this little girl. Sister is getting so big and so much more adventurous.
And my residency director and her sweet daughters made me a countdown chain for the last couple of months of residency after my co residents officially graduated last week.
I have less than three months til I graduate, and while this is so exciting, I’m really terrified.
I’ve been listening to “You Are a Badass” and so many ideas are resonating with me. One that is particularly relevant is the idea that when you take the jump and expect the universe to provide the experience/people/resources you need, they appear.
This jump is where I am right now. I am unsure where I will go next, what I will do, and who I will be with.
But what I am sure of, and what has come from this struggle, these failures, this residency, this disorder, this breakup—what I am sure of is that I am strong, capable, resilient, deserving, bright, and passionate. My talents will be used to optimize my patients’ psychosocial needs and health in my professional work. My talents and experience will be used to comfort others as they encounter struggles. There will be obstacles. There will be uncertainties. They are meant to be shared. They are meant to be overcome.
I don’t know what that is going to look like. I am free falling. And I am scared. But I’ll do my best to share the adventure along the way. I will be okay. And so will you.